an open letter to the neighborhood squirrels

hey guys…it’s me.  you know, the lady who lives on the corner with the peach tree in her side yard?

yeah….we need to talk.

so here’s the thing.  i know about you and the peaches.  and don’t even try to deny it because i caught you red-handed this morning.  plus there is the evidence….the half-eaten peaches on the fence and the peach pits all over my backyard.

i’m sort of taking this personally because i thought we were friends.  i mean, while everyone else in the neighborhood calls you guys pests and rodents (tree rats!), i’ve always been the one to stand up for you.  i tell everyone how cute you are and how much i enjoy your antics at the bird-feeders.

and here’s another thing, i don’t get pissed off and curse you for digging around in my flowerbeds.  i don’t get all bent out of shape when i have to pull up the tiny oak tree saplings in my garden from all the acorns you bury.  and that time you stole my mom’s tomato out of my garden?  yeah, i saw you.  i watched as you tried to climb up the tree with that giant tomato in your mouth and laughed my ass off when you repeated fell backwards down the tree because it was so heavy.

so yeah…i’m a little hurt.  and now we have a problem.  because that peach tree?  those peaches are for tripp and me.  we’ve been waiting five years to have a decent peach crop.  watering, pruning, judiciously spraying….watching as the peach blossoms fade and the marble-sized fruit appears.  for the past three months we’ve waited patiently for peaches to grow and ripen.  and now…just about the time they’re starting to blush, you decide you want some peaches???

that shit’s not right.

oh i get it though!  i get the allure…that juicy, succulent flesh.  that deliciously sweet, slightly tart flavor and the heavenly scent.  yeah….i get it.

so here’s what i’m suggesting.  i’m not expecting a harvest on the scale of livesay orchards in porter, i just want enough enough peaches for at least one pie or cobbler.  and i don’t think that’s too much to ask.

thank you for your consideration.

love, kelly

p.s., FYI…you should be aware that tripp just purchased a new package of pellets for his air-powered pellet gun.  just sayin’……