the {A}rt of motherhood

i had every intention of publishing this blog post post last weekend on mother’s day.

there are some things i am really good at….writing and scheduling blog posts in advance isn’t one of them.

the truth is that last weekend i was still caught up in the excitement and emotion of kelsey’s college graduation and couldn’t find the headspace to collect my thoughts into some type of coherent post.  if i’m being really honest, i am still unpacking what feels like a huge milestone…not just in kelsey’s life but my own.

four years ago, when kelsey graduated from high school, i was happy and excited for her of course.  but along with those positive emotions, was this dark and heavy dread.  this fear that my motherhood experience was coming to an end.  which now that i sit here typing this post feels so utterly ridiculous.  because clearly that was not/is not the case.

motherhood is for life.

i recently stumbled across a quote by spencer kimball where he states that “mothers have a sacred role” and that “motherood is a holy calling”.  which sounds alot like {A}rt to me. and so for the past few weeks i’ve been pondering what motherhood looks like through the lens of {A}rt.  how motherhood glorifies God.  certainly watching my girl cross that stage to receive her college diploma was a proud moment for me as a parent and a mother. there are these joyous moments of motherhood that make me feel that i am indeed doing sacred work.

but it certainly didn’t feel like i was glorifying God the night i washed red hawaiian punch vomit out of my daughter’s hair at 2:00 a.m.  it didn’t feel like {A}rt sitting on the couch night after blessed night doing times table flash cards.  there was nothing sacred about the night that i made her write an apology letter to the parents of the boy she had picked on in fourth grade.

or was it?

these days, my motherhood experience has moved away from math facts and ‘clean up your room’ and my role in my daughter’s life is evolving into more of a confidante and sounding board.  but i would dare say that it is not any easier…some days i swear it’s harder.

now the {A}rt of motherhood is in having honest (sometimes difficult) conversations. it is practicing the sacred work of letting my daughter make her own decisions.  it is trying to glorify God by reminding my girl of her worth in a world that deems worthiness by size of your jeans or your number of twitter followers.

i have come to believe that this really is the {A}rt of motherhood – this beautiful, joyous, messy, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching experience.  moments of sheer joy living side by side with fear and doubt.  the sacred work of reflecting God’s selfless love in our childrens’ eyes, all the while depending on God to help us make the right decisions.  letting go and trusting God.  relying on God’s grace to fill in the gaps when i drop the ball.

as i look forward to this next chapter in my story, i no longer fear motherhood coming to an end.  i have faith and hope that God will continue to help and guide me in my relationship with my daughter.  and that is the greatest blessing of all.

peace, kelly